I, too, admire your work with the poor and homeless. I love the fact that you draw those who are marginalized into communion with one another and with Jesus. But I think in your response to Cat, you ignored the one call she made to you that is indispensable–the call to community.

Jesus was the Son of God and accountable to God alone. At the beginning of his ministry, God called Jesus to move on to other places and preach rather than stay and continue healing the hundreds that were brought to him. Why? Not to save his energy, not to make him more comfortable, but because the only way that the Kingdom of God could really be ushered in was for others to be inspired to join in that ministry. Shortly afterwards, Jesus sent the disciples out as apostles. The disciples were accountable to Jesus and, later, to one another. St. Peter and St. Paul, likely two of the most passionate people for the Kingdom, argued with one another constantly, all in the name of discerning the will of God for them and the early church.

So, I would reiterate Cat’s call (catcall?): find some Godly folks who have a similar passion for Jesus and the poor, and commit to prayer and discernment with them. Pray with, listen to, and be accountable to your family, who may know you even better than you know yourself and who are your primary ministry. Finally, I would encourage you to reconceptualize Anawim as a new monastic community following a Rule of Life that is both intimately involved with the poor and is also sustainable (Franciscan model, perhaps?). I would be more than happy to support such a community both financially and in prayer, but as long as this is “Steve’s ministry” it is neither sustainable nor worthy of support.

Jesus died on the cross, once for all. He calls us to take up our cross and follow Him, but he has already been to Calvary and calls us to live in resurrected life, not in the crucifixion. Living in the crucifixion says that what Jesus did was incomplete, was not enough, and that we must finish that sacrifice. With what I know of you, you will never be too rested or too comfortable–the Spirit will always drive you into the world. It is time to invite others to discern the shape of that burden and to share it with you.

You, your family, and your community will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Primarily, this post is written to people who want me to deny the call of God. I am speaking from a personal perspective. This is God’s call, and it was Jesus’ call, and it is the call of many others. If you want to consider me a false prophet or false martyr that is your choice. But my board, my housemates, my family and my close volunteers know about these considerations of mine and these choices of mine. While we agree that I need to dial down, we also know that the work wouldn’t continue without my hundred percent effort, and I must continue in that.

Your words sound strangely like Perpetua’s father, when he visited her in prison before her martyrdom: “My father came to me from the city, worn out with anxiety. He came up to me, that he might cast me down, saying, ‘Have pity my daughter, on my grey hairs. Have pity on your father, if I am worthy to be called a father by you. If .. I have preferred you to all your brothers, do not deliver me up to the scorn of men. Have regard to your brothers, have regard to your mother and your aunt, have regard to your son, who will not be able to live after you. Lay aside your courage, and do not bring us all to destruction; for none of us will speak in freedom if you should suffer anything.’ …And I comforted him, saying, ‘On that scaffold whatever God wills shall happen. For know that we are not placed in our own power, but in that of God.’

Our nation has deceived us that, as a church, we can live without persecution and suffering. But the Scripture is clear:
We are called to poverty, mourning, hunger and persecution (Luke 6:20-24)
We will not gain the kingdom without suffering and tribulation (Romans 8:16-17; Acts 14:22)
We are called to surrender our possessions, our families and our lives for the sake of Jesus (Luke 14:26-27, 33)
Those who refuse to accept hardships and difficulties for the sake of Jesus are not among the faithful who grow the kingdom (Mark 4:16-17)
We are, as a church, called to stand with those oppressed and to be oppressed with them (Hebrews 10:32-33; 13:3)
Paul was told by the Holy Spirit that he didn’t have to suffer in Jerusalem, but he said that he was glad to suffer for the Lord (Acts 20:22-24)

I ask you to seek the Scriptures. I ask you to seek your heart, as a mother, who suffered and still suffers for your children– are we not to live lesser lives so that our family might live good lives? If that is the case for our children, is it not also for our brothers and sisters who suffer through no fault of their own at the hands of the governments and neighbors in our communities? At the very least we should stand with them, and that will also mean, for some of us, being arrested with them, being screamed at with them, going hungry with them and even being homeless with them.

My sufferings are small compared to the sufferings of my brothers. I am going through adrenal withdrawal and I am given fines by the city and I am yelled at by the police and neighbors. My brothers and sisters who are given no place to live or sleep by the local governments. My family that is given food, but no place to cook. My children that have no place to clean themselves or to rest. My people who are blamed for being poor in public.

I am not guilty at all. I have done more than anyone I know who isn’t homeless themselves. Rather, I am furious. I am angry at the injustice they have to suffer. I am angry at the fines and jail time they have to endure for simply surviving. I am angry that my co-pastor and his wife are threatened by neighbors and others because they don’t have a place they can park their RV. I am angry at the prejudice and hate.

And I will stand with them. I will not forsake them. We are given a special place of responsibility in our city. We have the only warehouse for the homeless. We have the only showers for them. We are the only place where they will not be harassed by the police in a 20 mile radius. And if I only have to suffer weariness and eventual stroke for their sake, I do so gladly.

Cat, you and a few others who have not seen our work are the ones who claim that my suffering isn’t worth it. If you or anyone else who wants to say that this is not my calling, I ask that you come and watch what happens here at Anawim. See how people are helped, not just in body, but in soul. See how the work meets such an essential need. See and then pray and ask God what we are supposed to do, what I am supposed to do.

I will instead repeat the words of Paul, and invite any others who are stirred by the calling of God to do the same:
“I do not consider my life of any account as dear to myself, but I will finish the course and ministry which I have received from the Lord Jesus. to testify of the grace of God.”