Jesus taught in parables and aphorisms that spoke to the culture of first century Judaism. We at times misunderstand the full impact of his teachings because we are so far removed from the culture he lived in. We have updated the language of some of his teachings to help them apply a little closer to our context. If you would like the full explanations of these teachings and how they apply to us, please seek out the book Long Live the Riff Raff by Steven Kimes on Amazon Kindle.
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The Good Muslim
A Bible professor approached Jesus, wishing to test his teaching. He asked, “Teacher, what should I do to obtain God’s life that never ends?” Jesus said, “What does it say in the Bible? How do you understand it?” The professor answered, “You will love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength and all your mind. And you will love your neighbor as yourself.” Jesus, impressed, replied, “This is... -
The Fortunate Few
How fortunate are the anguished due to poverty because they will rule God’s kingdom! How fortunate are the sorrowful, because God will cheer them up. How fortunate are the lowly, because God will give them the earth. How fortunate are those who desperately desire justice, because they will get just what they want. How fortunate are those who act in compassion, for God will be compassionate to them. How fortunate are those single-minded on God,... -
The Pushed and the Grabbers
Jesus went to the Blues Festival, and he saw that many were trying to get the attention of their friends on or behind the stage to let them in. Jesus turned to those with him and said, “When you go to a concert, don’t try to get up on stage, or else a security person might come and throw you out because you are being disruptive. Instead, stand back, waiting, until your friend behind the... -
Riff Raff in The Church
All the homosexuals and the homeless and the drug dealers and sex workers and meth addicts and convicted child pornographers came to Jesus to listen to him. And the conservative evangelicals and the Bible scholars denounced him, “He is opening the door of the church to the wicked.” But Jesus told them this story, “Look, if you had a hundred cars and one of them was stolen, wouldn’t you forget about all the other ninety... -
God-Hater’s Anonymous
Jesus told them this story: “There was a father with two sons. The younger son said to his father, ‘Dad, I can’t wait for you to die to get my inheritance, so give it to me now.’ So the father divided all of his wealth and gave the two sons their own share. A few days later, the younger son collected his belongings and traveled to a godless nation and wasted the money, living by... -
Firstborn Objections
“All the house was celebrating the return of the lost son. But the oldest son was at work, and as he was driving up to the house, he heard the blasting music and asked one of his father’s workers, standing outside, ‘What’s going on here?’ The worker said, ‘Your brother has arrived today and so your father is feeding everyone steak because he is safe and sound.’ The older brother fumed at this and drove... -
AIDS and Grace
After some days, Jesus returned back to Capernaum and the people of the town heard he was back home, which was Peter’s house. He taught the gospel to those who were there, but the house became so packed that people stood outside the door. Four men came, carrying a man so sick with AIDS he was bedridden, but they weren’t able to bring him to Jesus because of the crowd. So they climbed up on... -
No Child Left Behind
At that time, Jesus’ students approached him and asked, “Who gets to be the boss in God’s coming kingdom?” He called over a small child and put him right in the middle of them. He said, “Pay attention now. Unless you become completely transformed and become like a child, you won’t even get through the front door of God’s kingdom. The one who will be boss is the one who will be socially on the... -
The Sin Dellusion
Jesus said, “At a church service, the preacher called people up front, and two of them came up. One of them was an employee at Focus on the Family and the other was a heroin addict. The good Christian prayed aloud to himself, ‘Father in heaven, I praise your name because I have been chosen by You to be holy. I am not a thief, a sinner, an adulterer or a junkie like this man.... -
The High Cost of Education
Jesus was at a party and he gave a speech. Hearing him, one of those listening announced, “How wonderful it will be for those who are at the party of God!” Jesus replied with a story: “There was a man planning a party and he sent invitations out. As a reminder, he sent one of his employees out at the time of the party to all those invited. But they—every one—offered excuses instead. One... -
Stuff
As Jesus and his entourage were traveling, someone approached him and said, “I will go with you, wherever you go.” Jesus replied, “Lions roam, and birds are free, but even they have homes. But God’s ruler doesn’t even have a pillow, let alone a bed.” And Jesus motioned to another, who was thinking about being Jesus’ student, and said, “Come along with me.” But the thinker said, “Well, how about if I bury my... -
The Divine IRA
A young man called out to Jesus from the crowd and said, “Teacher, command the trustee of my father’s will to give me my share of the inheritance!” Jesus replied, “I am not a lawyer or a judge—why should I get involved?” Then Jesus told everyone, “Guard yourself from every form of trying to get more in the world. When you finally get everything you want and more, then you finally realize too late... -
Excuses, Excuses
Jesus was at a party and he gave a speech. Hearing him, one of those listening announced, “How wonderful it will be for those who are at the party of God!” Jesus replied with a story: “There was a man planning a party and he sent invitations out. As a reminder, he sent one of his employees out at the time of the party to all those invited. But they—every one—offered excuses instead. “One... -
The Lucky Dogs
Ah, the poor—you lucky dogs! Because you are the owners of God’s kingdom. How lucky are those who are presently hungry—because God will make sure you have your fill. How lucky are those who weep in this life—because God will make you laugh. How lucky are you, my disciples, when people hate you. You are fortunate when they won’t have anything to do with you, when they call you names and tear down your reputation.... -
The Anti-Christians
Honestly, you guys are as helpless as a mouse in middle of a cat convention in the work I’m setting you to do. So, in dealing with people, be shrewd and yet pure in God’s eyes. You’ve got to be on guard from these churchies I send you to. They will throw you out of their buildings and call the cops on you. You will go before judges and mayors to tell them what I... -
A New Economy
It was the time of the Feast of the Exodus and Jesus knew that his time on earth was short, and he was soon to go to the Father. Yet, he loved his disciples on the earth, and he never stopped loving them, even to the end. At the time of the Feast, the Great Liar already convinced Judas Iscariot to hand Jesus over to the authorities. Jesus knew that the Father had granted him... -
The Recyclable and the Trash
When the Emperor of God descends from heaven displaying his power, having all the angels of heaven surrounding him, then he will rule from his throne and every person on earth will be collected and will stand before His throne. He will judge them all and will divide them up as a rag picker will separate the useful from the trash. And the recyclable he will stand at his right, and the trash he will... -
Trump and the Lazy Assistant
There was a CEO preparing to go on a journey, so he summoned his vice presidents and appointed to them the tasks they were to care for. “Here,” he said to one Veep who displayed some business talents, “Take this five thousand dollars. Do what you can to make it profit.” He gave another one two thousand and another one thousand. The Veep with five thousand walked straight out of the boardroom to the stocks... -
The Ana-lution
“I’d like your opinion about this: There’s this guy I know who had two kids. He asked one kid to clean up his room and the kid stubbornly answered ‘No way!’ But after some thought, the kid changed his mind and cleaned up his room. The father went to his second kid and asked her to do the same thing. She answered, ‘Of course, Dad. Whatever you want.’ But she never did go to... -
The Second Chance
Jesus responded, “It is time. It is time for the Messiah to be honored. Listen carefully: A kernel of corn has to be torn from it’s life, thrown to the ground and allowed to die, or it will always be by itself. But if it dies, then it will be transformed into many more. Even so, whoever grasps onto his own life will lose it. But whoever hates his life in this age will find... -
Down and Out Leadership
The disciples had an argument, there at the Last Supper. They were debating which of them would be the most important ruler beside Jesus when His kingdom comes. Jesus calmly said to them, “It is presidents and kings of the world that are concerned about authority and power. These wield great authority over all men and everyone must call them ‘gracious’, as in ‘gracious lord,’ or “Wow, you are the greatest thing since Oprah”. “But... -
Meet the Anawim
The term “anawim” in Hebrew means “the poor seeking the Lord for deliverance.” Although the term is only used some 23 times in the plural, the idea of God’s people being poor and delivered by Him is found throughout the Scripture. God has always taken the ones in the position of powerlessness, and placed them in the position of strength. In that, he displayed his strength all the greater. We could come up with our... -
Anawim Scriptures
Here are some of the many Bible passages that use the Hebrew word, anawim. Psalm 9:18 The anawim will not always be forgotten, nor the hope of the afflicted perish forever. Psalm 10:17 O Yahweh, You have heard the desire of the anawim You will strengthen their heart, You will incline Your ear. Psalm 22:26 The anawim will eat and be satisfied; Those who seek Him will praise Yahweh. Psalm 25:9...
